Evening Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading entertainers devoted their broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the new plan that permits foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" option for $5 million. An official website guarantees processing "in record time."

"A quick message here to rich foreigners: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.